What is Love?


As a relationship coach, one of the first steps in the process of working with others and their various relationships is helping them to define what love truly is.

We have this notion that love is without conflict. If we are truly meant to be together, then we would never fight. Healthy conflict, where issues are discussed and resolved, is a beautiful way to build relationship intimacy and trust! Find someone who wants to make the effort to have healthy conflict!

We have this notion that love comes in and rescues us. We have Disney movies to thank for that. No one can be a savior in a relationship. When that happens we run the risk of unhealthy codependency rather than healthy interdependence as each person works to support each other through their issues! Find someone who knows they can’t make everything better in your life, but they want nothing more than to stand with you, cheerlead and encourage you while you work through any problems that cross your path!

We have this notion that love means we will be adored and worshiped. The problem with pedestals is you can fall off of them. What people forget is that being adored and worshiped sets unrealistic expectations, on themselves, that no one can maintain for a long term. Then fears of failure and rejection set in and a terrible cycle of facade can begin! Find someone who understands that unconditional love means you are loved in spite of your faults!

We have this notion that love means we don’t have to work on our issues. We should just be accepted as ourselves. No one is perfect! We all need to soften our edges, learn how to communicate, overcome our personal issues, unlearn unhealthy habits and heal past traumas! Find someone who doesn’t ignore your issues or worse, throws them back in your face; but rather stands by as you work through your issues as they work through their own!

We have this notion that the amount someone loves us is their responsibility only. You said you would always love me. When you ignore, disregard, set aside someone who loves you, their love depletes, it does not grow. We are built for connection and if you do not stay authentically connected in your relationships, the space between them will only get deeper and wider. Find someone who understands healthy boundaries so that you may learn healthy boundaries!

Love is an absolutely beautiful gift we can give away to so many people, however love can easily be warped into so many unhealthy ways. Clearly understanding what healthy love is supposed to look like can give us the life we have always wanted!

However - a word of caution. Love, that love that makes you wish you could give the entire world to someone, or just caress their cheek while you look them in the eye - that love can burn like hot lava in your soul. Use care on who you allow into those deepest parts - they may not treasure it as much as you hope. Stay tuned on how to guard your heart.

Let me know if I can help you work through your personal definition of love and how it relates to your relationships!

Check out my blog joniwoods.com to find more articles of my passion for love, authenticity, and vulnerability!

Joni Woods, ACC

Relationship and Communication Coach

Journey Coaching




“Creating the future You want!”

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