“I still have a little bit of impostor syndrome. It doesn't go away, that feeling that you shouldn't take me that seriously. What do I know? I share that with you because we all have doubts in our abilities, about our power and what that power is.” Michelle Obama
I met with a new client who is looking to work on fixing her staffing problems. With everything I do, it comes down to relationships and communication, so we are getting ready to tackle the infighting within her executive staff.
What I felt so personally, as we were doing our intake form, is when she made this comment “I write and speak about cohesiveness and team-building, but my own team is ready to quit. I feel like a fraud.”
My heart breaks for those who believe that their struggles invalidate what they are trying to accomplish!
And I suffer the same plight. As a relationship and communication coach, I should be on top of my game in all of my relationships and how I communicate my feelings and needs - however, the truth is that I can fail just as anyone does.
It was a late Friday evening. I could feel my anxiety was climbing and rather than communicate what I needed, I pushed it aside and found myself hitting a new level of overwhelming stress; as fate would have it my best friend and I disagreed (on something that had very little to do with us) and I have no words to describe the absolute fear of rejection and self-loathing that flooded my body. I packed up my belongings, the animals, and silently left her home in the middle of the night. It took two days of laying in bed, sleeping, crying, texting my children, and ignoring the world BEFORE I was able to start to do the emotional work of resetting my mindset. The physical work of calming my nervous system. The mental work of understanding that I am in the absolute worst season of my life, and I will most likely fail in a lot of ways that could potentially hurt the ones I love most in the world.
Imposter syndrome is the worst. I wish I could say that everything I believe in communication and relationships will always solve any problems with the various people in your life. I cannot make that promise. And I was very honest with my client about that fact.
But what I can do. What I strive to do in my own life and my own relationships is to keep coming back!
My natural instinct is flight. There is very very little fight left in me. I’m pretty broken, and essentially very fragile.
It’s a trauma response that I am aware of and can’t necessarily change. However, I need to be (and am) open to learning from my mistakes. To own my poor choices. To understand that while “we hurt the ones we love” we can also apologize for the wrongs and communicate why events occurred the way that they did.
And just pray that that is enough.
Self-awareness comes in all kinds of forms. It is understanding that we are not perfect. We are flawed human beings, trying to be the best versions of ourselves. A beautiful mess.
Imposter Syndrome aside. We are trying and that is all that anyone can ask of us!
I would love support you in your journey of authenticity - please reach out if I can be an ear of support!
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Sincerely, your coach!
Relationship and Communication Coach
“Creating the future You want!”