What Makes You Beautiful?
“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we will find it not” Ralph Waldo Emerson
What Makes You Beautiful?
Is it your smile or your kindness?
Is it your eyes or your compassion?
Is it your body or your humility?
Is it your money or your generosity?
If you have ever tried online dating, in the list of common questions, you have to be prepared to answer this particular one; what are you looking for?!
Well we all have a general idea of what “look” is attractive to us (I’m a sucker for tall and bearded) what I find absolutely beautiful in a man is effort and loyalty.
Effort to understand.
Effort to recognize.
Effort to communicate.
Effort to reciprocate.
When a man makes the effort to understand what is going on within the relationship, it is so attractive!
When a man makes the effort to recognize and change his negative habits, it is so sexy!
When a man makes the effort to communicate through conflict, I completely melt with desire!
When a man makes the effort to reciprocate the effort I’m putting into the relationship, then I know we’ve built a connection with a solid foundation.
And loyalty! Loyalty, let me know that no matter what conflicts come our way, whether the relationship flourishes or fizzles, whether we work out or walk away; there is mutual respect for each other as flawed human beings. I rarely make negative comments about those I have had conflict with. What’s the point? Why tear someone down who is not there to defend themselves. I’m well aware of my shortcomings, and fear that my shortcomings will lead the way in conversations rather than being recognized for the effort I am making to fix those shortcomings! I think Tupac’s quote says it perfectly “Just because you lost me as a friend, doesn't mean you gained me as an enemy. I'm bigger than that, I still wanna see you eat, just not at my table.”
If we have had some sort of connection or relationship in the past then I can promise you, I will quietly be cheering you on! EVERYBODY deserves to live their best life!
Dating is difficult. I’m going through it right now. The last guy I was seeing couldn’t even properly text. He used mainly emojis to communicate and I’m sure you can guess what those emojis were.
When I am asked what kind of man I’m looking for, it would be easy to give some simple answers like someone who makes me laugh, someone financially secure, someone that is drama free, someone that likes the same things I do, etc. But that’s not what relationships are built on.
Relationships are built through the intimacy of working through conflict together, of talking through the hardships in a relationship, by seeing someone’s true colors and accepting them for who they are.
Forget good vibes only. (If you focus on that, then someone in the relationship is not being fully authentic, and/or not fully communicating). I understand we all go through hard seasons where having more negativity around you can make you feel as though you are drowning, however, if you chase good vibes only, you’ll never grow through the bad ones.
Forget being worshiped. No one is perfect! I’ll say that again! NO ONE is perfect! One more time for those in the back- NO ONE is PERFECT! We are all flawed. We all have our own perceptions and beliefs about ourselves that change how we interact with others. We all go through seasons where we don’t handle things in the best way. It’s intent versus impact. It’s the consequences of choices we made in a moment and we need to accept our shortcomings, take ownership for them and work to truly change! Don’t allow the short term pedestal to draw you in. The higher the pedestal the longer the fall!
Forget being stuck together like glue. Wild for me to say since I do have an anxious attachment style. However, there’s a difference between valuing relational reassurance and needing to be glued at the hip with someone. Relationships are not about becoming co-dependent on another person, but two healthy people, building a life that compliments each other. That challenges each other. That encourages each other. Be secure enough to encourage your partner to hang out with their friends. Create a safe environment with your partner so they feel free to explore and do things on their own! I find it incredibly fulfilling to see people flourish in what they love while I cheer them on!
Ask yourself what makes you beautiful?
For me, I want to be beautiful in my kindness!
I want to be beautiful in my authenticity!
I want to be beautiful in my personal accountability and growth!
I want to be beautiful in how I approach my relationship with my children!
What makes you beautiful?
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Sincerely, your coach!
Relationship and Communication Coach
“Creating the future You want!”