To Chase?


“Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice” Charlotte Bronte

It was the end of June, I was back to work, staying at our fourth place, I was misplacing my anger, life was still very much in limbo, I was nursing a bruised ego with the recent rejection and well truth be told, I was feeling a bit unrestrained and essentially throwing caution to the wind.

Which gave me a sense of “let’s just give this a try” when I walked into work and saw a new face there…oh my, I’m a sucker for tall and bearded, add muscles and well I dusted off my flirting skills and just went for it!

Why this story?

A few weekends ago, I found myself giving a friend advice about someone he was interested in dating, however, he really didn’t have a good track record. He had been coming on so strong and was quite literally scaring off each woman he pursued… a result; He had been suffering through months of highs and lows and dealing with some serious rejection.

Here are a few things I know about dating. It’s not meant to be a “chase”! You are not an animal, you are not trying to catch your prey. No one is prey!! And a perspective to consider….what happens after someone catches their dinner? The leftovers tossed aside after they have gotten everything from that person…….I’m sorry that’s not how I want to see relationships done! Chasing indicates that one person is doing all the work while someone is literally running away from you! How is that attractive? That unbalance can actually damage the relationship in the future!

How about we consider those first few moments of meeting someone, like a dance.

Back to my story. That first day, I just spent my time making eye contact with this man. It was so much fun! I started out by positioning myself so I could look at him and he could see me. I understood the situation, we are both at work, not really looking around thinking “I’m going to find my true love while in this penguin outfit”, he’s not checking out the workers because he has a job to do- but hey, why not add a little spice to our day? When I am flirting, I always start out with eye contact. I think eye contact is key to building any kind of connection! What’s fun about the dance is there is this moment of clarity when you know that the eye contact is not just coincidental but rather intentional and it builds this anticipation for the next time we make eye contact. So for the next few hours, that’s what we did. Stolen glances when we walked by each other, winks, head nods and smirks- and the intentional look over the shoulder as we said goodbye to each other. There’s this innocence and banter that makes flirting so much fun!

Couple days later, I spotted his truck and round two began. The whole staff had fun watching us flirt, the way he’d walk by me just so we could smile at each other, or the way I’d lean into him when he asked me a question or the way he’d flex his muscles to have me touch them, one coworker commented that it was like watching an episode of “love island”!

For weeks we just danced, bantered, flirted and it was a lot of fun, it was relaxing and both of us were engaging in the process; no one person doing all the chasing, no one person being the prey, no one feeling any rejection!

The dance went slow, it was lighthearted and at the end of it all, we were able to walk away having met a new person whom we had a connection with, respect for each other but ultimately knowing we were in different places in life.

Everyone wants to jump into a relationship and think they will “find their soulmates” right away, chasing a person they find physically attractive without discovering if they connect on other levels of intimacy. Flirt, have fun, dance a bit and let it grow!

Contact me for other tips in how to date, finding the right partner, and how to communicate through the process!

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Sincerely, your coach!

Joni Woods

Relationship and Communication Coach

Journey Coaching


“Creating the future You want!”

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