9-26-2023 1:17pm

Loneliness is Falling

There’s a single life phenomenon that happens when those green leaves start to turn into their fall colors, called “Cuffing Season”.

Defined by the Urban Dictionary “cuffing season” Cuffing season is the search for someone to shack up with or exclusively date during the holidays and colder winter months. It tends to start after the first day of Fall and ends the day after Valentine's Day. Essentially, the cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be in a relationship (cuffed).

This particular season can be hard for singles, (or even worse- the miserably married) because the events, experiences, and joys that are meant to be shared with someone you love and who loves you back - feels exceptionally empty.

You have a few ways you can deal with the loneliness that starts to descend.

Ignore the feelings. Clearly I am never going to recommend this one - but to be fair, it is most everyone’s go to response when we are feeling the hard feelings. As human beings we tend to ignore our feelings, push aside our needs and wants, until they come out of us like a flood. How about this time, we lean into that feeling of loneliness. What is that telling you about your intimate connections? Are you building friendships? Working on your relationship? Have you built a wall around yourself? Are you afraid to open up to others? I could ask so many more questions, because loneliness in its very definition is a result of isolation. Was the isolation self induced? Or thrust upon you?
Find someone to “cuff” with. Not always my first recommendation because someone in that equation is either being used or the connection is uneven in its effort. I have mad respect for a person who understands themselves enough to know that they are lonely or hurting and don’t want to hurt others in their wake. That kind of emotional intelligence is a hard step to navigate sometimes, but once you become aware that your actions have consequences, you overcome the hurdle of painful accountability; and nothing can humble a man quicker than painful accountability. Bottomline: Don’t use people to fill a void in your life.
Drown yourself in “other things”. Be it work, be it activities, be it projects, be it other negative coping mechanisms (drugs, alcohol, shopping, gambling, cheating etc) these behaviors may help dull the pain, but they don’t heal it; in fact it tends to compound the feelings of loneliness as well as develop other problems in your life!

I don’t have a single solution to the problem of loneliness, because each situation is unique in its development and the degree of loneliness changes as you do.

It was the fall of 2015, I was in the fifteenth year of my marriage, going into the eighth year of therapy to try and fix this marriage, and I was the loneliest I had ever been. There is something so very wrong with being lonely in a marriage, it is heartbreaking in its unnaturalness. That was the last fall of my marriage. The years since have seen some lonely moments, but all for very different reasons and they were much more bearable.

Even now, amidst the lack of extended family, the rebuilding of our home, driving my career ahead, the loneliness that I am feeling is not because I need to fill a broken hole in my life, but rather because I am ready to be in a healthy relationship; to love, support and encourage my partner. I don’t want to hijack my future by satisfying my temporary loneliness with choices that could derail my personal growth; and I certainly do not want to hurt anyone in the process.

I can admit that for me, right now, Loneliness is Falling. I feel it. If I am being truly honest with myself, my heart aches and tears form in my eyes. However, my loneliness is laced with anticipation because I know that I continue to do the work on myself, my feelings, my responses and my personal journey so that I am more aware when I do find a good man who is doing his own work! I don’t know who he may be or when our paths will meet but I know that this season will pass.

Just as they all do!

If you are struggling with loneliness or are anticipating that you may, you are not alone! Please reach out and I would love to sit down and talk to you!

And ladies, mark your calendar for October 18th! I am speaking a workshop on Effective and Non-Violent Communication at the WXW Forum ‘23 - registration is open and you don’t want to miss it!

Please stay connected via my social media

Instagram - joniwoods

Facebook - joniwoods

LinkedIn - joniwoods

TikTok - joniwoods730

Website:

Joniwoods.com

Journeylifecoaching.life

Sincerely, your coach!

Joni Woods

Relationship and Communication Coach

Journey Coaching