When It Isn’t Them

By Steve Gwisdalla

There is a lot of finger pointing these days. It seems if you do not agree with the loudest person talking about anything, then you are wrong. Liberal? Wrong. Conservative? Wrong. My late Grandma always used to say that it is easy to point a finger and blame others for issues going on in your life. But as she used to say, “When you point one, there are three pointing back at you.”

If only. Those two words are truly beloved by that little voice in our heads I like to refer to as the gremlin voice. I have spoken often about a wonderful author named Rick Carson and his book, Taming Your Gremlin. That little voice has an endless supply of excuses and fingers to point at other people, things, and circumstances to blame for anything in our life that is less than perfect. Here is a question asked of me a long time ago by my much better half, my wonderful wife. One night, a long time ago I was ranting on and on about a bad work situation. She listened intently, asking the occasional question to further understand. Then when I had worn myself out complaining, she asked me this simple question.

“What if it’s you?”

I sat there, dumbfounded. My gremlin was ready for war. The excuses, anger, and my blood pressure were all reaching a boiling point. Instead, I took a deep breath and asked her what she meant by that.
“There is only one common denominator in every example you talked about. You.”

I think back on that night often. My gremlin starts speaking a little louder and I find myself paying attention more than I should, I take a deep breath and ask myself that incredibly wise question once again. What if it is me?

Change starts from within my friends. If you find yourself face to face with that very sober reality, please do not be angry with the person in the mirror. Forgive yourself. Do not make excuses but start with a single act to improve yourself. I say it all the time, but when I need to kickstart positive change in my own life, I look for chances to be positive for someone else. I will hold open a door, I let that extra car merge in traffic. I will pay for the person’s coffee in line behind me. Little things for them. Major silencers of the gremlin for me. Feeling those deposits trickle into my emotional bank account always seems to get me back on my path towards my true north. When we do those things, it creates an entirely different paradigm to the question, “what if it’s you?” Be that you, my friends. The you you always want to be. Simple acts can create a snowball effect. Be that you. The person in the mirror will be incredibly happy.

About the Tribe of Up

The Tribe of Up is an idea. An idea that in all aspects of our lives, we belong to a collection of of groups or tribes. Our employers are tribes. Our communities, our families, etc.. The Tribe of Up is a group of people who simply look to advocate for more joy in all aspects of our lives. We don’t live or die by news cycles. We don’t subscribe to the polarization and ‘side-choosing’ society seems to want us to do on a daily basis. Rather, we look for the positive in situations. We find the up. Then we share the joy that up provides. If this sounds like the kind of oasis you are seeking in our day-to-day chaos, consider scrolling through past articles. Simply search “Tribe of Up” on the Sun Times News website. Feel free to reach out to me at [email protected]. I am a Dexter resident and own a personal and professional coaching firm called Better Place Consulting. Thanks for stopping by!