Never Be Upset Being Someone’s Candle

By Steve Gwisdalla

Hello Tribe of Up! Recently, I overheard a conversation where two people were complaining about a shared friend. I was not eavesdropping. They were incredibly loud, and I am certain others were listening to them as well. They complained about this friend being the type that ‘only called when something was wrong and they needed something.’ Sure, when they all spent time together socially, everything was great. This friend was fun enough. But it seemed like the fun communications were outgoing with these two and only serious or troublesome calls came their way with the shared friend. Me being me, I had a think about that as they walked away to continue their conversation out of earshot. Instantly, my mind went in an entirely different direction about this one-way friend.

The shared friend needed candles in their life to help them out of the darkness.

The two friends speaking ill of their shared friend were the candles their friend desperately needed in their life, and they never realized it. Think about it. When you are in trouble, real trouble, who do you call? Do you call the life of the party friend, or the serious, dependable one? Do you reach out to people who have never had a serious conversation in their lives or the one who can relate to tough times? Who are your ‘candles?’ The important follow-up question to this question is,

Who sees you as their candle? Have yourself a think about that for a moment because you may not realize who could and may well be on that list. Think back a few weeks or a few months. Who have you been a candle for? More importantly, how did you react when a friend needed that favor, that ear, or that shoulder they so urgently needed in that moment?

As members of a tribe who seek up, positive, and joy, we must remember that many we know could be having tough times. Positive people give off energy, an aura if you will. People who seem to have a brighter light than most are sought after. You are candles. We are candles, and I am not sorry to break it to you, but it comes with your membership in the Tribe of Up. We who are candles have a duty to people we know and meet to be a beacon to help those in darkness find their way. Sometimes it is by living an up example. Other times it is by lending support. Still other times by donating time and talents to organizations that support those in need.

Sometimes it can seem like being a candle too often can drain our light. That is natural. That is why we are in a tribe, dear friends. You are not a lone candle holder. There are others out here willing to help. And oh what a bright light can be born when many with candles get together.

My friends, please do not feel burdened when friends call you in need of a light. It is a gift to be considered such a wonder. A great gift. And with that gift comes the awesome privilege of helping people find their own candle. If enough people struggling to find their way in their darkness are shown how to find and use their own candles, imagine what type of world we could live in. Imagine the possibilities. I beg you, do not bemoan being a candle for a friend. In my humble opinion, it is one of the highest honors a friend can have. Someone thought enough of you to call and ask for help, guidance, or support. Shine brightly for them. That is what we in this humble little tribe do. Shine on!

Steve is a Dexter resident and the Owner, Chief Candlemaker, Vice President of Lighting Services and pretty hefty shoulder to lean on at Better Place Consulting, a success, life, and small business coaching company. Reach out at steve@betterplacemgmt.com.