When It Goes Bad

By Steve Gwisdalla

Hello Tribe of Up! Here in our happy little (but growing) tribe, we advocate for more joy every chance we get. We pay kindness forward and we seek to find those moments that allow us to pause and appreciate wonder around us.

With all of that going on, sometimes there are times when things go bad. Like, really bad. What do we do then? How can we be up and advocate for more joy when a really bad moment or series of moments descends upon us? A quick story. I have a friend who was incredibly loyal and fiercely dedicated to her job. She was very hard-working, always looked out for the benefit of the company and had deep passion for doing her best every day. Then, one day she went to work to discover she no longer had a job. They let her go. The why is nowhere near as important as the what. She was dumbfounded. Near as anyone could tell, she did nothing wrong. No attendance issues, no write ups. One day she was employed and the next day she wasn’t. Talk about it going bad in a hurry. I write this for my friend mentioned above and anyone else going through a bad stretch right now. While certainly not downplaying or minimizing the facts, please be open and allow for some alternative thoughts to help you get through the dark parts more quickly.

First, you are not alone. Think about the most important people in your life. They will be there for you. They will help prop you up, let you yell, scream, or perhaps cry a little. They will support you and love you just as they always have. Lean on them, just as they have leaned on you during their own bad times.

Second, it is going to hurt. Let it. Embrace it. What? Steve are you crazy? Hear me out on this. Think of the worst of it all. The absolute lowest part. Now, close your eyes and take the deepest breath you can. Hold it, let it out and repeat that two more times. After those three deep breaths, open your eyes. Guess what? You just experienced the lowest you can get, and do you know what? You are still breathing. Just. Keep. Breathing. My late grandmother always used to say that “time thickens the sauce.” Put some days between you and the bad and healing will begin.

Third (well, really this is part two point five), find the moments. Find the moments where you saw, witnessed, or were the recipient of an act of random kindness given by someone else. Relive it. Study it. Focus on it for a few moments. That is a moment. Think of the hug you received from someone recently who is aware of your bad stretch. Feel it again. Find moments in your day. If you are still struggling, pay some attention to nature. Nature is full of impressive moments if we slow down enough to observe.

Fourth, talk it out. Talk to yourself, your better half, your kids, your parents, your God. Talk. There are many things that well up inside us during bad times. Help it get out of you by talking. I talk to myself constantly. The steering wheel of my truck has heard everything, great and not so great. Talk through the things that are bothering you. Self-talk is great therapy.

Lastly, give thanks. You are still here. You are still relevant. You still matter to a great many people. There are people in your tribes who want to help and want you happy. Reach out to them. Let them know what is going on and thank them for being safe harbors for you when the waves get high.

Double lastly, lend a hand. Nothing gets me out of a bad place more than helping others. Small acts of kindness will go a long way toward putting some positive deposits in your emotional bank account.

This too shall pass. Wishing you all the best!

Steve is a Dexter resident and the Owner, Chief Hope Officer, Vice President of Positive Emotion Deposits, and Eternal Optimist at Better Place Consulting, a personal coaching firm specializing in success, career and self-help coaching. Reach out at [email protected].