What If You Don’t Have It?

We are going to go in a different direction this week, my friends. If there are any themes in this great experiment that is the Tribe of Up, it is to create kindness for those who need and seek it. To advocate for more joy. To be the light in a dark and empty place. Noble endeavors to be sure. What if you can’t? What if you just don’t have it to give? What if the ever beating upon us world won’t get its proverbial foot off our neck long enough to advocate for more joy?

I am not one to pretend that everything is hunky-dory for everyone all the time. I do largely believe we can create our mood. I feel we can impact that if we choose. Most of the time. Most of the time, we can force feed ourselves positively to bring ourselves up from a four to a seven on our one to ten scale. But what if there are days we can’t? We all have those days, don’t we? Some days, no matter how hard we try, the world has its entire focus on us and its desire to pound us to dust. Then what do we do? Do we give up? Do we surrender? Doing that is dangerous to my friends. If we yield one day to the negative, why not two? Then a week. Before you know it, advocating for more joy is so far in our rear-view mirror it can no longer be seen. So how do we stand tall when we are exhausted and ready to give up?

We lean.

We lean on the places we have seeded good and positive and up in the past. Family and close friends are a given. The other day, I chose to lean in a rather strange place. I leaned, if only for a moment at Busch’s in Dexter. To be more specific, in the deli section. Sometimes, being a regular customer brings you around people you don’t seem to want to be around. However, it also brings you around people who (hopefully) you have seeded positive and up energy. Last week, I was having a rough time. Some professional setbacks really had me in a funk. Sitting in the car getting ready to go grocery shopping really had my anxiety raging. After all, there were people in there. That was the one thing I did not really want to deal with, but we needed some stuff and Busch’s is our normal go-to for stuff that is needed. I took a couple deep breaths, asked for some Devine help and then I saw her. The nicest lady who has ever helped me. Ever. She works in the deli and her smile when she saw me coming chipped away the outer layer of my funk. In short order, my doldrums were a distant memory. I faked a smile to her and trying my best, said,

“Good morning.”
“You can do better than that,” she said.

“I’m struggling a little today” I replied.

“Really? Do you know how many times I have come out of that back room not wanting to be here and saw you and your real smile and thought, ok, today is going to be just fine?”

“Really?” I asked.

“You have given me your smile countless times. Today, I will give you mine.”

And just like that, I was back. I am not nice or kind to gain any advantage. I try to be kind because it is free. I try to give deposits. I guess you can say I seeded that deli with up. That day, I harvested a little. My friends, when it gets hard out there, and it will get hard, what do you have to lean on? Are you creating an oasis of up here and there for you to draw upon when needed? My dad always told me to ‘save a little for a rainy day.’ Without even knowing I was doing it, by being up and offering deposits to anyone who would take them, I was doing exactly what my dad told me to. Pennies of up, thrown around. On that day, I needed a couple pennies of my own. It has been said the hardest four words in the English language are, “can you help me?” I didn’t say those words to that wonderful friend behind the deli counter, but my eyes must have. When it gets hard dear friends, to whom can you ask those scary four words? I would encourage a list. When things are going well, ask them if you can lean on them a little when it is not going well and offer the same back to them. When you really need it, it may be too late. Thank God for an acutely aware all-star behind the deli counter and my love of deli ham to save the day!

Steve is a Dexter resident and the Owner, Chief Deli Promoter, Vice President of Up Seeding and Thankful Deli Customer at Better Place Consulting, a success and career coaching organization. If you need someone to lean on occasionally, reach out at steve@betterplacemgmt.com.